Custody of a child is a serious matter. The goal of a child custody case is for the courts to examine the child’s well-being and treatment in an objective manner and determine the best possible living and legal arrangements for a child. Ideally, both parents of the child are equally involved in raising the child, making decisions for the child, and financially providing for the child without putting their child at any risk of harm. Ideally, both parents will agree on decisions and reach agreements on their own in a civil manner, despite any circumstances or status of the parents’ relationship. But the real world is not always ideal. In the real world, the courts get involved when one or both parents cannot come to and abide by an agreement on their own.

If you happen to find yourself in the situation of establishing a custody agreement, the first step you should take is to speak with a lawyer. Get the facts from a professional who will help you identify the best way to proceed. If you do decide to move forward with filing for custody, it will be important to have a lawyer on your side who can help you navigate the process, from the initial paperwork to the negotiations in the courtroom. Entering this process without the advice of a professional could be detrimental to your case, as the courts will expect you to be educated on the proper procedures, just as a lawyer would. Being prepared is your best offense when it comes to custody.

Once you’ve retained a lawyer, you will need to assess and determine your desired outcome of the custody hearing. There is physical custody, meaning with whom the child lives, and then there is legal custody, regarding who has decision-making power over the child. For both types of custody, there are two options: sole custody, where one parent has all the control and the other parent has none, or joint custody, where both parents share their responsibilities.

If you are seeking joint custody, you will need to decide how custody will be shared. Variables will include whether custody is split 50/50 or if one parent has more responsibility than the other, financial responsibilities, and more. These cases are complex, and will have significant impact on a child’s life, so it is important to have a clear idea of exactly what type of arrangement you are seeking from the start.

With a clear goal in mind, and while your lawyer begins the process of filing for custody, you’ll want to start building your case. If you are seeking full custody or majority custody, you will need to provide evidence that proves the other parent is unable to adequately fulfill their parental duties.

Any evidence you can provide that exhibits the other parent is incompetent, neglectful, or abusive is crucial to pleading your case. Photos, videos, or screenshots of messages can all serve as proof that the other parent takes part in activities that would have a negative impact on the child. These activities can include drug abuse, criminal activity, gambling, reckless driving, as well as mental, physical, or financial incapabilities to providing basic necessities like a safe and clean living space, food, or clothing. Documentation and physical evidence are necessary to back up your claims against them and to justify your reasoning behind whatever agreement you are seeking.

Most states prefer to settle on joint custody arrangements that allow both parents to keep their rights as long as that joint custody would not impact the child negatively. And depending upon the age of the child, the courts do try to take their preference into account on the final decision. However, just because one decision is finalized now, doesn’t mean that the circumstances or the evidence against one parent won’t change in the future. Some custody cases come back to court repeatedly.

If possible, it is best for you to begin this process outside of the courtroom and make a reasonable effort to negotiate an agreement, even if you are unsuccessful. Making this effort before obtaining a lawyer and again after obtaining a lawyer will show the courts that you are trying to reason with the other parent to the best of your ability. You will show the judge that you’ve taken the courts’ time into consideration during the process, and that the court is your last resort to develop an agreement.

Another aspect of the case to prepare for is defense. Taking inventory of your own parenting abilities, living situation, and history to prepare for any aspects of your own life and actions that can and will be used against you by the other parent. Take outside parties’ opinions of you into account here as well, because you do not want to hinder your attorney’s ability to prepare an adequate defense. On the flip side, you will also want to communicate your positive attributes to your attorney so that those can be used to defend your case for custody.

The ultimate theme here is preparedness. Leaving such an important matter up to a “he said, she said” argument in court is not likely to go in anyone’s favor. If you do not have screenshots, voicemails, police reports and videos that support your argument, then all you have is your word against the other parent’s. And unfortunately, in a court of law, that’s simply not enough to win your case. One option, in this circumstance, is to hire a private investigator to help you obtain that physical evidence.

Private investigators can perform detailed background checks which will bring criminal history, such as domestic violence or drug charges, to light. They can also complete a deep web scan to screenshot social media pictures and posts that paint the picture of how this parent represents themselves and their parenting abilities online. A medical facility canvass can be completed for those with a history of mental illness to document whether they are obtaining any necessary mental health treatment. Most importantly, a private investigator will do surveillance and secure video evidence to show how the parent interacts with and cares for the child. Surveillance can also produce evidence of any irresponsible, dangerous, neglectful, criminal, or abusive behaviors. These pieces will accumulate into a full picture that will show the court exactly why you need the custody arrangement.

There are no guarantees when it comes to custody cases, as there are many variables throughout the process, from the state you live in and the laws, to the judge that’s assigned to your case and their personal beliefs. That’s why it’s important to be prepared, be ready with facts, and work with your lawyer and a private investigator to present evidence.

Split families have become more common in today’s world and some parents are able to easily co-parent with little interference from the courts, while other parents have the unfortunate experience of having to battle over custody in a court room.

What’s important is that you, as the parent, are fighting for the best interests of your child and NOT simply fighting against your ex.

Judges have seen it all, and their primary focus is to examine everything you and the other parent bring to the table to determine what is best for the child.